Starting with Goodbye
by longgone1
Summary: A songfic from Bella's POV. About 3 days after the big battle in Eclipse. She still doesn;t know what to do about Jacob. Enjoy!


**I own nothing, SM and CU do! Enjoy! This takes place after the big battle in Eclipse, about 2 or 3 days. Edward is out hunting and Bella is in her room.**

Bella's POV

I traced patterns in the ceiling with my eyes. I had been staring at the ceiling for about an hour now. I couldn't get Jacob off of my mind. I know I have to stop seeing him. It's not fair for me to always be around when we want different things. I knew there would be a day when I had to say goodbye, but I just can't even bring myself to think the words.

In order for my life with Edward to progress and grow, Jacob needs to be let go. But I can't bring myself to cause him so much pain, to break his heart.

I decided that there was nothing more I could do tonight. I need sleep so Edward won't say anything about dark circles under my eyes. He doesn't like it when I torment myself over the pain I inflict on the people I love.

I reached over and grabbed my headphones off the side table. I left the player on the last song it was on and pushed play. I wasn't in the mood to flip through songs…..

_I was sitting on my doorstep,  
>I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,<br>But I knew I had to do it,  
>And he wouldn't understand,<br>So hard to see myself without him,  
>I felt a piece of my heart break,<br>But when you're standing at a crossroad,  
>There's a choice you gotta make.<em>

Whoa! Was this song supposed to be exactly my life? I feel like I've just been nailed in the chest by a bolder! I do have to say goodbye, and he won't understand. I am at a crossroad…..

_I guess it's gonna have to hurt,  
>I guess I'm gonna have to cry,<br>And let go of some things I've loved,  
>To get to the other side,<br>I guess it's gonna break me down,  
>Like falling when you try to fly,<br>It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,  
>Starts with goodbye.<em>

_I know there's a blue horizon,  
>Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,<br>Getting there means leaving things behind,  
>Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.<em>

My life is definitely bitter sweet. I gain Edward lose Jacob. I gain immortality with Edward, I lose Renee and Charlie…Somewhere, there is a life where everything is easy. Where I don't have to worry and fret….Where is that place?...

_I guess it's gonna have to hurt,  
>I guess I'm gonna have to cry,<br>And let go of some things I've loved,  
>To get to the other side,<br>I guess it's gonna break me down,  
>Like falling when you try to fly,<br>It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,  
>Starts with goodbye.<br>_

Saying goodbye is going to tear me to pieces, but it will hurt Jacob even more. I can't keep dragging him along though. I felt a few stray tears slide down my cheek and overmy chin…

_Time, time heals,  
>The wounds that you feel,<br>Somehow, right now._

Hopefully Jacob will be better with time. He has to move on…doesn't he?

_I guess it's gonna have to hurt,  
>I guess I'm gonna have to cry,<br>And let go of some things I've loved,  
>To get to the other side,<br>I guess it's gonna break me down,  
>Like falling when you try to fly,<br>It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,  
>Starts with goodbye,<br>I guess I'm gonna have to cry,  
>And let go of some things I've loved,<br>To get to the other side,  
>Starts with goodbye,<br>The only way you try to find,  
>Moving on with the rest of your life,<br>Starts with goodbye,_

I was silently sobbing now. My life won't start until I say goodbye. I have to end things with Jacob tomorrow. He has to know that we can't be friends anymore. He has to understand. I was crying with a little more volume now.

Alice must have seen me because the next thing I knew, Edward was sliding in through my window. He lay down next to me and held me close. He never said a word. He just kissed me on the forehead and let me cry.

I was glad too. I needed to get all of the tears out before I saw Jacob. I couldn't let Jacob see me cry.

I bent my head up the kiss Edward. He kissed me back and started to hum my lullaby. I snuggled closer and closed my eyes. I was asleep within two minutes.


End file.
